On Controversial Texts, Part 1: Ephesians 5:22

Let's put this out there right away: The Bible is almost indisputably the most-read and most influential book in the history of the world, but it's also very likely the most controversial. Arguably no text elicits stronger emotions, both positive and negative, than Scripture.

My aim here is not to defend the Bible, as God's word needs no defending, but to explain some of those controversies. In my view, these issues have three main causes:

1. Linguistic differences: Most current translations of the Bible are not written in what anyone would call “plain English.” Sometimes, the Bible uses a word with certain connotations in modern English that were not present in the original text, or conversely, some of the meaning of the original text is lost in translation. Reading the text in multiple translations can alleviate some of these problems, but no translation is perfect.
2. Cultural differences: The last words in the Bible were written almost 2,000 years ago, which means that it exists in a different cultural context. That doesn't mean the message itself is outdated, but certain pieces need to be understood within their own time and brought forward to the present.
3. Lack of narrative context: This is the big one. When taken out of context, verses in the Bible can be used to justify almost anything. Considering the whole narrative of the text, however, allows us to understand what those verses actually mean.

With that in mind, let's dive into the first of (hopefully) many challenging texts to explore.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Well, that's a doozy. Probably the most common criticisms of the Bible all concern its teachings on relationships, sexuality and gender roles. This one is often cited as an example of Biblical misogyny, of God's injustice.

I'll pause right here and acknowledge that this verse has been used, historically, to justify all sorts of misogyny, and many still use it for that purpose to this day. There are so-called Christian communities in which women are explicitly counseled to stay in emotionally, mentally and physically abusive marriages because, among other reasons, they're supposed to “submit to their husbands.” (Forget about sexual abuse – most such churches won't even acknowledge that it's possible for a husband to sexually abuse his wife.)

Is that the truth, though? Does the Bible, by instructing wives to submit to their husbands, implicitly condone marital abuse? Is it saying that women are lesser people than, or worse, property of their men?

By no means!

First of all, let's take a closer look at the usage of 'submit' in this text. The verses immediately before this one read as follows: 18b be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That last line indicates that submission isn't something that's unique to a woman's role in a marriage. Rather, loving submission to one another is the norm within God's community (that is, the Church). Marriage, then, can be looked upon as simply one context in which people (and in particular, wives) are called to submit.

This is important because, while Ephesians 5:22 establishes that the husband is an authority in the wife's life, he is clearly not the ultimate authority. Any husband is required to submit to various authority figures in his life, including his employer, his church leadership and his country's civil government. Of course, the ultimate authority over all of these authorities is God.

Thus, the wife is entitled to protection from her husband by way of those superior authorities. If a husband is doing something illegal, his wife is certainly not required to enable or or join in his behavior; rather, she has the absolute right to go to the police. Likewise, if a husband is not following the elders in his church, his wife has the right to go to the elders and request that they initiate church discipline. Above all, if a husband is sinning against God, the Bible does not instruct his wife to enable or join in his sin; indeed, that would be absurd. In essence, the wife's submission to God takes precedence over her loving submission to her husband.

So, let's establish this right off the bat: Ephesians 5:22 is not justification for spousal abuse. It does not permit or encourage husbands to dominate, control or otherwise lord over their wives. Anyone who behaves as though it is is grossly misusing the text.

Still, this concept of submission sounds problematic. Husbands may not be free to abuse their authority, but the text still gives them authority over their wives, right? Well, yes and no. Let's take a look at what Ephesians 5 has to say on the matter of husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Yes, Ephesians 5 puts husbands in a position of leadership in their marriages, but the model for that leadership is Christ. A husband is called, not to use his wife as an accessory, but to put her interests before his own. He is called, quite literally, to lay down his life for his wife.

When a wife submits to her husband in this framework, she's submitting to the loving leadership of a man who is under the authority of God. When Paul says 'Wives, submit to your husbands,' he's assuming that the entire relationship is based on worship of God.

Of course, this still begs the question: Why is marriage defined this way? It's not arbitrary.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

There's a lot there about the way husbands are meant to love their wives – hardly an abusive, domineering relationship – but what I really want to focus on is the purpose of marriage. Contrary to popular belief, Christians do not hold that the primary purpose of marriage is to produce children. That's there, of course, but the main reason God created marriage is to role-play the relationship between Christ and the Church.

In said role-play, the husband, like Jesus, initiates with, cares for and lays down his life for his bride. The wife, like the Church, responds to his love and comes under the authority of her groom. Neither partner is more important than the other; it takes two to dance. However, when both spouses are committed to the marriage under the authority of Christ, their relationship brings glory to God.

Practically speaking, what does this mean? First of all, here are a few things submission does not mean:

1. The husband does not make every decision for the marriage. To the contrary, any married couple will tell you that the vast majority of decisions are made jointly. Practically speaking, the husband's role as decider only comes into play in crises, when someone has to make a choice immediately.
2. The wife is not forbidden to have her own thoughts. This not only sounds absurd, but also contradicts Scripture, which consistently celebrates women of wisdom and character. A wife's role as helper and completer to her husband would be completely compromised if she weren't allowed to think for herself.
3. The husband is not entitled to sex on demand. Along with 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, this is often interpreted as requiring the wife to submit to her husband's physical desires as often as he wants. While the wife is expected to take care of her husband's needs, that expectation cuts both ways, and often that means putting one's own gratification aside to love and serve one's spouse.
4. The wife is not in any way less important than the husband. We can see that as early as Genesis 1: 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Note that the use of 'man' in this context is referring to all mankind, both men and women). Both men and women are created in the image of God, and both reflect the glory of God. They do so in different ways, yes, but they are equal.

Above all, submission does not mean that the wife is weak. To the contrary, it takes a great deal of strength to fill the role that God has ordained for women within marriage.

There's no need to take my word for that, though. When we look at what submission means in a Biblical context, our role model is always Jesus. From Mark 14:

32 And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. 34 And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.” 35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” 37 And he came and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not watch one hour? 38 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 39 And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. 40 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they did not know what to answer him. 41 And he came the third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? It is enough; the hour has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 42 Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”

There, at Gethsemane, the night before He was betrayed, we see Jesus in loving submission to the will of the Father. It's not unwitting, unthinking submission: He cries out in anguish, over and over again. His soul is laden with sorrow. He asks the Father to take his suffering away, yet even in the same sentence, He says, 'Not what I will, but what you will.' This is not submission born of weakness. This is the strength that brought Jesus to the cross.

When God tells wives to submit to their husbands, He isn't calling them weak. Rather, He is giving them a high and noble calling, one that allows the image of God to shine through.

(All verses ESV unless otherwise noted.)